Curses, Clowns, and Giraffes
by Charisma Brendon
Summary: Written for Buffy Survivor's week two challenge. Set after Killed By Death, but slightly AUish. Someone is in the hospital. Characters: Buffy, Oz, Willow, Xander, OC


**Title: **Curses, Clowns, and Giraffes

**Author:** Stacie -or- Charisma Brendon (depending on where this is posted :p)

**Disclaimer:** -pulls a witty disclaimer out of her ass- How's that? :p

**Summary:** Challenge - soup, blanket, tissue - Written for week two of Buffy Survivor. Someone's sick (of course ;p).

**Rating:** PG-13, maybe? I don't know.

**A.N. -** After the first line, I messaged Liz and said "Liiiiiiiiiiz...I'm stuck!" then pasted the disclaimer. I just thought that was interesting. :p - Also, the "monkey" thing should make sense when you finish.

**_Set after "Killed By Death"_** - In case anyone feels this isn't likely, I think that in Killed By Death, Buffy faced her fears of the hospital. (Okay, so I may be reading too much into it to try to find a metaphor, pretend with me. :p)

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Oz twirled the warm soup with a spoon before sighing and pushing it away. He always thought that when those butchers took tonsils, the now tonsil-less person got ice cream. When the nurses had laughed at his request, he had briefly considered a hunger-strike until he had nothing _but_ ice cream. That idea had gotten old surprisingly fast.

"Knock, knock!" Xander stuck his head through the open door. "I brought cookies!"

Oz grimaced and flipped open the notepad a nurse had brought by before frantically scribbling.

"Monkey, no cookies?" Xander read aloud.

Oz frowned before looking down and crossing out "monkey."

"Oh, well _that_ I knew. When I got my tonsils removed, they said that, too. That's why the cookies are for me," Xander finished before finally walking through the doorway.

Oz shrugged and went back to watching his soaps on television.

Xander stopped short, effectively blocking Willow and Buffy from entering, before pushing past them and hiding behind Buffy. "Is that . . . is that your sister? Or maybe an uncle that likes to wear make-up?"

"Xander!" Willow admonished.

He shot her a panicked look before trying to hide it. "What?"

Oz's disinterested gaze slid to the figure in the corner. His mother had decided that maybe, just maybe, the best way to distract him was to send in an overly-made-up, poofy-wigged, clown from the children's wing. So far, the man had succeeded in making numerous giraffes. The monkeys Oz had requested via the notepad, however, seemed harder for him to negotiate.

Buffy and Willow looked over at the clown before coughing.

"Aw, is li'l Xander afraid of the big bad clown?" Buffy teased before walking further into the room and handing Oz an aged book of fairy tales. "I thought you might be bored and this one comes highly recommended by Giles," she explained with a shrug.

He started to write a thanks before Buffy shook her head, "I got it."

He smiled gratefully and looked at Willow, who was lurking around the door with Xander.

She faltered then walked to stand by the bed. "Hospitals make me a little nervous now."

He smiled reassuringly and took her free hand while she straightened his itchy hospital blanket with the other.

Oz nodded then semi-pouted when he noticed a wayward giraffe had settled near his feet.

The clown noticed and, in a voice that could only be described as chirping, said, "Sorry, I can't make you a monkey but I can make _all _your friends something."

Buffy gasped, "Can I have a princess hat?"

The clown seemed to grin - although, who could tell with all the make-up? - before turning his attention to Xander. "Someone looks like he needs a hug!"

Xander's eyes widened, "No! I'm in a hug-free bubble!"

The clown advanced as Xander backed away.

"Stop trying to invade my bubble!" Xander shouted before running to hide behind Buffy, only first, he made contact with the cart that held Oz's discarded soup, spilling lukewarm liquid all over the floor.

While Willow was mumbling choice words in Hebrew and trying to clean the mess up with tissues, the clown gave up and went back to making the balloons dance.

Finally, after recovering from his silent laughter at Xander's expense, Oz wrote out a message to Willow.

_ The clown is starting to freak me out, too._

She nodded and somehow - by the grace of God, Buddha, or whatever force ruled the universe - she managed to get him to leave. But, not before he thre- . . . promised to come back.

During the awkward silence that followed, Oz sighed and thought that he would finally get a little bit of peace.

Then Xander's voice broke through, "What does this button do?"

Oz's feet elevated a few inches before the bed jerked to a stop.

"Ooh!" Xander murmured before pushing the button again. The foot of the bed lifted . . . fell . . . lifted . . . fell . . . lifted.

"Oh my God, it's stuck!"

"It can't be stuck!" Buffy took the control from Xander before pushing the down arrow. "Nothing's working!"

Xander grabbed it back, "You're doing it all wrong." He pounded on the keypad and, after a second, the motions stopped.

Then, the top and bottom rose simultaneously before lowering only to rise again.

"Xander! Stop pushing that button, can't you see you're crushing him?" Willow shrieked.

"I'm not doing it! It must have a delayed reaction!" Xander ran out into the hall, screeching for a nurse.

Buffy looked from the flailing Oz, to Willow's panicked expression, to the door Xander had run out of before frowning. _Sunnydale's hospitals must be cursed._


End file.
